


hanging by a thread (where'd you want to go?)

by thingswelostinthefire



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Dissociation, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Nightmares, Rape Recovery
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-11
Updated: 2016-08-01
Packaged: 2018-07-22 22:05:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,043
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7455610
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thingswelostinthefire/pseuds/thingswelostinthefire
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Josh, I - I didn't want to leave you this way."</p><p>"I didn't think you'd ever leave me at all." Josh looked hurt, and tired, like life had been wearing him down lately and Tyler knew for a fact it was, he knew for a fact that the bags under Josh's eyes weren't from his own stress but Tyler's.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> It's been a while. Losing inspiration is a struggle, but I recently saw Twenty One Pilots live, so I guess my motivation is back. Here is me projecting! I hope you guys enjoy. (Please don't read if elements of rape/non-con trigger you.)
> 
> Title from Hanging by Nothing But Thieves.

Tyler was running.

 

From what, he wasn't sure. All he was sure of was that he had to get out, he had to run, he had to leave this body this city this life, and so he grabbed a suitcase from the closet he and Josh shared - he and Josh - and threw clothes in it, anything he could find that was comfortable enough, speed-walked to their - _their_  - bathroom and grabbed shampoo, body wash, his favorite green nail polish Jenna got him for Christmas, and practically sprinted back to the bedroom he shared with his boyfriend and tossed the contents in the already overflowing suitcase.

 

"Tyler?" He could've recognized that voice anywhere. He didn't think Josh would be back in time for Tyler to make his dramatic exit.

 

"Josh, I - I didn't want to leave you this way."

 

"I didn't think you'd ever leave me at all." Josh looked hurt, and tired, like life had been wearing him down lately and Tyler knew for a fact it was, he knew for a fact that the bags under Josh's eyes weren't from his own stress but Tyler's.

 

"It was a bad idea coming here," Tyler frowned, "I don't know why I was so ready to pack up and move across the country with you. I  _wasn't_ , that's the point. I need to go back, Josh. I love you, but I need to go back. I need my mom, I need to see Jenna, and Mark, and my little sister, and I know they all just visited, okay, I know that, but I wasn't ready to leave them for this long. I thought I was, but I wasn't, I'm not. So - so just let me leave, okay? I'll - I'll call you when I can, I just - can I have some space?"

 

Josh stared at him wordlessly for a few moments, then nodded. "Just come back to me? Yes? Or I'll come to you. Say the word and I'll be on a flight before you can even hang up the phone. I - Tyler, please don't shut me out. This can't be it for us."

 

Tyler grabbed his suitcase, zipping it closed even though he was almost completely sure he was missing several things, but he decided it'd hurt more to stay and finish packing than it would to stop at a Target in Columbus. He looked somewhere south of Josh's face, refusing to make eye contact - he knew if he did, it would be impossible to bring himself to leave - before holding out his arms. Josh jumped into them immediately, bringing a hand up to Tyler's head and running his fingers through his hair, taking in his aroma, fighting tears before letting go and forcing a smile. "I love you."

 

"I love you too, Joshua."


	2. Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried to post this the first time, and it was a masterpiece, but of course the WiFi shut off and I lost everything :( So here it is again! I love feedback, so comments are always appreciated, and I imagine chapter three will be up very soon.
> 
> (Just to let everyone know, this fic isn't set in present time. I imagine this happening before Blurryface. Jenna is Tyler's friend, not wife, so instead of proposing to her in 2014, Tyler and Josh went public with their relationship is what I like to think. So I'd say this would be set around late 2014!)

Tyler felt weighed down. He knew it wasn't normal to feel this way, to wake up in the middle of the night panting from a nightmare he couldn't even remember. He felt hands on him, but they were memories, even though the way they grabbed him felt exactly the same as before.

 

It had been two weeks and five days since Tyler left Josh. His mom had been the one to open the door when he showed up at the house he grew up in somewhere north of Columbus, Ohio. She took one look at him and grabbed his suitcase, moving over to make room for her oldest son to walk inside. At that point, before Kelly could say or ask anything, Maddy came shuffling down the stairs, jumping in surprise when she saw Tyler. "Hey, bro, what's up?"

 

Tyler looked at her, then looked at his phone, and opened his mouth like he was about to say something before stopping short because he didn't know  _what_ to say, Josh was the best thing to ever happen to him and Tyler felt like he just ruined the most perfect thing in his life. Maddy nodded, smiling sadly and gesturing to the stairs. "Wanna do my hair?"

 

Tyler smiled and said, "sure," following his little sister to her bedroom.

 

But that was weeks ago, and Tyler knew that eventually he would have to return to California, or at the very least give Josh a phone call. He couldn't leave Josh hanging for much longer, Tyler just wasn't sure he was ready to hear his voice again.

 

Josh had never pushed Tyler, not once, even right after It happened. He was always supportive and understanding and he  _never_ asked Tyler to explain himself. He vaguely knew what had happened, but it was Josh, so he never completely understood. The only person who knew was Jenna - because it was Jenna - and Tyler wanted to keep it that way. So he let Josh worry, and Josh did, he worried with sad sighs and lots of hand-holding and gentle hugs, but he never asked Tyler about it. Tyler was thankful for that. But he knew that he would have to tell Josh if he wanted their relationship to go back to normal - whatever normal was for them, anyways.

 

Slowly, he rolled out of bed.


	3. Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realize this is probably extremely OOC but whatever. Enjoy :-)
> 
> I really didn't want to include Debby in this fic but she was my only option, other than Dustin, who I fucking hate.

__Josh felt like he was forgetting something in all of this. He knew he was, and he knew Tyler had taken a vital part of Josh when he left him standing in the middle of their bedroom that day. _Oh, yeah,_ Josh thinks bitterly, _my heart._

 

Josh couldn't sleep, that was the issue here. He couldn't even so much as _look_ at the bed he shared with Tyler. He fumbled with his phone as soon as he heard the door shut, Tyler leaving, forcing tears away as he started dialing Debby's number.

 

"Hello, Josh," was all he heard before the tears started falling. He tried to greet his friend, but all Debby got was a choked sob.

 

"Are you okay?" Debby asked. Josh registered the frantic tone her lovely voice had adopted, but couldn't bring himself to answer her. He just didn't know.

 

"Josh, I'll be there in ten minutes. Don't hang up this phone." Debby knew the warning signs, and she had known Josh far too long to not know that he was having a panic attack. And when Josh had panic attacks, he sometimes did stupid things.

 

Debby sped up, pushing her car to at least fifteen miles above the speed limit.

 

|-/

 

Weeks later, Josh was doing better. Consistent, even. Debby had all but moved in, sleeping over and making sure Josh was eating and showering and all that.

 

Josh was still sad, though. It seeped into his bones and reduced him to almost nothing. He had no energy, so he just sat in bed all day. He knew it was probably a little dramatic. Tyler wouldn't be gone forever, he couldn't stay away from Josh for too long. That was the only thing Josh was sure of since they had started dating.

 

It still hurt.

 

Josh fumbled for his phone in the darkness, turning his head to find it sitting on the dresser. He hadn't touched it in days, but he decided it was time to get back in the groove of things. He had to.

 

Checking Twitter, he liked a few tweets. It seemed the fans knew what was going on, but Josh was sure it was all just guesses and rumors. His mom didn't even know yet. No one would know unless they told someone, and he knew Tyler never would without his permission.

 

Despite everything that was happening, he liked a few Joshler fan art tweets. His fans worked hard and their art always managed to blow his mind. He decided to post a tweet, since it had been over a month since his last one.

 

@joshuadun: your art always amazes me. keep on creating.

 

Before Josh could post it, his phone rang. He gulped when he saw the caller ID. It was Tyler.


	4. Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know how this is going, so here ya go anyways!

"Hey."

 

"Hi," Josh breathed out. He couldn't believe he was hearing Tyler's voice again, even though he knew he would. Eventually.

 

"It's been weeks." Tyler said that like it was a new realization, like he had spent the last few weeks asleep or something, which Josh figured probably wasn't very far from the truth.

 

"I know. Um, are you feeling better?" He could practically hear Tyler's wince.

 

"Yeah."

 

"That's good."

 

"Yeah."

 

"Tyler?"

 

"I - I just lied to you. I haven't been feeling better. Josh, I'm living a nightmare. I want to come back home."

 

"Then come home."

 

Tyler hesitated. "It's not that simple. You don't know what... happened... to me. And I can't just tell you. It's not something that I c-"

 

"Tyler, have you been alone?" Josh cut in.

 

"What? No. Jenna's here. Are you?"

 

"Debby's been practically living with me."

 

Josh heard a forced laugh. "Yeah, Jenna won't really leave my side unless she has to go to work."

 

Josh laughed too. Then all he heard was silence.

 

"Kinda hard to continue a conversation when you don't really know what to say," Tyler said finally.

 

"We've never had this problem. Tyler, I can give you more space. I know you said you want to come back but if you aren't ready, that's understandable. Just take whatever time you need. I'm managing."

 

Tyler hesitated again. "I'm glad to hear you're managing, because I'm really not. But... you might be right. I guess I'm not ready yet," Tyler sighs, "but I don't know when I will be. I don't want to leave you hanging any longer. It's really not fair to you."

 

"It's okay if you don't trust me."

 

"I trust you, Josh, I do. _Fuck_ , please don't think I don't. You're the best decision I have _ever_ made and I haven't forgotten."

 

"Really?" Josh felt his heart swell, and if he had a mirror close to him, he was sure his face would be completely red.

 

"Of course. Listen, I gotta go, my mom wants me to come over. But I'll talk to you soon, yeah?"

 

"Yeah," Josh smiled, and hesitated before saying, "I love you, Ty."

 

"I love you, too."


	5. Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Really short sorta filler chapter, but I'm hoping the next one will be up soon! Reminder you can follow me on Twitter @butmynameislame, let's be friends :)

"Tyler, what are you doing?" Tyler whipped his head around at the familiar sound of his sister's voice. She sounded perturbed, but then again, she always did lately. Tyler figured it was probably just stress, before bitterly remembering it was definitely _his_ stress. Another reason to hate himself. He didn't want this.

 

"I'm going back. I need to settle things with Josh." Running a hand through his unwashed hair, Tyler vaguely realized he was leaving them exactly how he left Josh. The thought alone made him want to cry, even though he was pretty sure he'd cried out all he had left in him weeks ago.

 

"Does Josh know this?" Maddy walked into the room, sitting on Tyler's bed. She picked up a handful of clothes Tyler had haphazardly thrown into his suitcase and started folding.

 

"No, actually. I... forgot to tell him," Tyler sighed, rubbing his eyes. He didn't know what to do. He didn't think he was able to talk to Josh on the phone again, not after last time, and he wasn't entirely sure Josh wouldn't slam the door in his face if Tyler just showed up without any warning. All Tyler knew was that he fucked up - he pushed Josh away from him because he didn't think he _deserved_ him, or his love, and all either of them got out of it was one big heartache.

 

"I can... I can talk to him if you want. I don't think this is something you should just text him, and I know you probably don't want to talk to him until you actually get there, so I can call Josh if you want?" Maddy asked, nervously. Her eyes were full of worry and Tyler was taken aback yet again with another urge to cry, because _he_ did that.

 

"Could you?" His bottom lip wobbled. Maddy nodded, pulling her brother in for a hug. Tyler breathed deeply. "You're the best. I hope you know that."

 

"Zack would kill you if he heard you say that," Maddy said, letting go of Tyler and waving her cell phone in the air before leaving the room.

 

Tyler sighed, letting himself fall backwards, landing on his bed, and he stared up at the ceiling.


End file.
